Suzie's Choice
by MomoHeart
Summary: Suzie had to make a choice; her life or catering to the one friend she knew needed her? BASED OFF RUGRATS THEORY.


**AN: After I read the Rugrats Theory. Susie was the first to come to mind. I then came up with this story. Enjoy~**

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For years now, I've played along with the fantasy and I enjoyed it. It was so fun, I began to believe it myself. Angelica was a very convincing girl. Everywhere that girl went she had a presence about her and it was up to you to determine what type of person she was. I knew her well and I supported everything about her, even her extremely vivid imagination. I always went to play with her against my parents' wishes that every chance I got, I made sure she was the happiest despite her misguided views. I got in trouble a lot for that.

"Susie! I told you to leave that girl alone," my mom yelled.

"But mom! She needs a friend! I can't let her be alone! She needs me!" I yelled back with tears streaming down my face.

That's right. I felt needed by her. Angelica was a disturbed little girl. She was schizophrenic and probably had a million other problems. She trusted no one but her doll Cynthia, because everyone in her family had their own troubles. She was alone all the time. She had no one but her babies.

The babies. The ones I would have been neighbors with. The ones I would have tried to lead the right way from Angelica's 'evil' ways. They would have been my friends too. I would have understood every word, every gesture, every stupid antic they would have done. I wouldn't be there for all of those antics, but I would know. I would know everything. And I was happy to let Angelica believe I could see them and touch them and play with them like her. I loved being yin to her yang. And no one could stop me.

By the time Angelica got back from her trip to Paris, she had already made a brand new baby named Kimi. When the news got out, my mom, like time and time again, forbade me from ever talking to her again. Of course I disobeyed her and each time I got a worst whopping than the last from my father.

"That girl ain't right in head," my mom would tell me every time. "She's going to drag you down and you won't be able to make friends!"

But I did make friends. They all couldn't stand "the crazy girl" Angelica, but they didn't abandon me. They thought me brave. They wondered how I could maintain straight As, volunteering, and messing around with the Pickles family at the same time. I guess I was a regular ol' saint. I was proud of that title.

Disobeying my parents, catering to a sick girl's needs and at the same time carrying on with a saintly attitude made my life all the sweeter. That is, until we got into high school. Angelica was still an outcast, along with her disabled cousin Dill. But…she changed like most teens would. During the summer I was too busy for anything except my job and my volunteer work. Angelica finally found a friend. The man went by the name of Kraig. He was a bad person. He went to jail almost after a month of spending time with her. In that short time, he introduced her to various substances that increased Angelica's imagination.

The drugs calmed her, but only to an extent where her imagination can help her through the bullying. Like always I tried to help her and I tried to get her help. But nothing worked and I realized that. So, I made a decision. I couldn't be that saint anymore. I was busy, you understand, right? Once school started, I had a full schedule and I could not think about anything else. She knew that. Everyone did. So why did she come to me that day? Why couldn't she just stay away?

"Please, Susie," Angelica begged. "I need your help."

"Angelica, I'm...I'm sorry, I can't. I have so much to do. I just don't have the time."

"You always say that!" She grabbed my arm so tightly, I knew it would be bruised the next day. "They said they will kill me if I don't give them the money! Tommy and Chuckie cut me off! Kim-Kimi said I-I need help! That's what I'm trying to do! Th-That—"

I snatched my arm away. I should have told her yes. For a while, I gave her money to save her from her drug dealers and in return, she promised to get clean and I promised I wouldn't tell her dad. It didn't matter, because she went right back to doing what she did. My anger over the whole situation had built up over some time and made me say things that I never imagined Saintly Susie ever saying to someone she considered a friend. My irritation was at a level that shouldn't be reachable and being bothered didn't help matters when I barely had time to breathe!

"Leave me alone!" She reeled back blinking rapidly in surprised. I didn't let up. I stepped in her face, nostrils flaring. "How many times have you told me that?! How many lies do I have to hear before you just stop?! I'm sick and tired and I refuse to keep being your crutch! Get help from someone who still gives a shit! I'm not your maid nor will I ever be! " I turned to leave. Her crumbling expression and moist eyes were the only indication that I'd hurt her and that was forever burned into my skull. I ignored it of course. I let her have it. I think I can say it was long past due. You don't understand how much Angelica put me through in only a year. People were always on my back and I didn't mind, but she was the nuisance. She was the one I could take out my frustration on. Just like she did to me. I had battle scars from her outbursts and I still wanted to be there for her. It was a need. But I felt I could overcome my addiction. So I left her to stand alone. It was up to her to choose what she wanted to do from then on.

Maybe a week or two went by, I can't remember. This day I passed all my tests and I had the day off from almost everything. I could finally breathe. But that morning, a girl screamed. Then the cafeteria was surrounded. I got a bad feeling in my gut so while everyone stood in the doors whispering and wondering, I pushed through to get a better look at what the commotion was about. Once I got through the crowd, I saw a bolding blonde head lying face down in her own vomit. Angelica.

Suicide. She committed suicide. They say it was an overdose, but I keep getting the feeling it could have been more than that. I guess that's what my head is telling me. I didn't cry. I didn't deserve to. It was me who killed her. The babies wouldn't forgive me for yelling at her, would they? I basically abandoned her. How could I? I was there for her since our childhood and then in one day I threw that all away with my urge to be the perfect person. I did this. I let her spiral that summer and I watched. I watched people push her, spit at her, and throw trash at her. I watched them and I made the choice to keep walking.

Maybe I wasn't helping her. Maybe everything I did for her only made things worse. I wish I could apologize. I need her to know that just like her, I made a choice and it wasn't a good one. I'm going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. I don't mind. Angelica doesn't have one anymore. I'll live with this guilt. I'll go on until Angelica and her babies come back to me. When that'll be only time and a bottle of scotch will tell.


End file.
